A Mime of Early Warning Information.

Intuition is the grown up, fancy name for feelings in our body and heart. Our intuition is what starts our Early Warning Signs: physical sensations in our body that tell us that not all is okay. To protect ourselves from getting hurt, it is important that we listen to our early warning signs and remove ourselves from risky situations when they arise.

There are over 2000 feelings words in our vocabulary but typically, any of us will only use six words to describe our feelings. To give kids the best possible chance or recognizing and responding to sexually exploitive situations it is very important to teach them about feelings.

Here is a really easy activity to play with your children to help them develop new feeling words to attach to their body feelings – their early warning signs.

Mime: When the opportunity arises and the kids are bored with nothing to do, play a miming game. Silently act out a particular body reaction to any emotion and ask the children to guess what you are feeling. Offer a prize for correct answers. Gingerbread people make great food prizes because you can then naturally mention body ownership.

Remember though that food is a child’s right and food rewards do not replace good care and nutrition. A food reward needs to be something special: A real treat, not something that your child has a basic right to on a daily basis.

For more free game and activity ideas to do with Intuition and Early Warning signs have a look at BITSS of Intuition.

Let me know about how your Mime of Early Warning information went.

Good Touch Bad Touch

Teaching through play works. Work is children’s play: their business. Business needs reinforcing on a daily basis or business begins to fail. So too with the business of protective play, reinforce the protection by playing everyday with the five important elements of the BITSS model of Protective Behaviours – Body Ownership, Intuition, Touch, Say no, and Support network.

Touch is a difficult area to play protectively with if you do not understand the subtle difference between good touch/bad touch. Child sexual predators use normal touch (good touch) to desensitize a child and move them toward accepting bad touch. It happens gradually and sometimes without the child even realizing what has happened. If someone pats your child’s shoulder in friendship, it may be acceptable. If that same someone tomorrow pats your child’s breast and claims it was a mistake, it is a warning sign that they are moving toward bad touch and that your child is allowed to react, to come and tell you.

Our natural environment is useful for teaching about good touch/bad touch. When we look at the early warning signs in nature, we have a better understanding of how early warning signs work inside of our body and how a situation can very quickly move from being good to being awful. Many nature based activities can be designed around the below two discussion starting points.

Flowers: As beautiful as some flowers may be, they have the potential to turn from a good touch to a bad touch. Use them as an example. Running up to smell a beautiful flower may result in being pricked by a thorn, stung by a bee, or getting a rash on your face from poison leaves or petals. Some people too can be tricky. They start off being nice but it's a trick. They end up hurting us with their words or touch. When the good touch turns to bad touch it is okay to come and tell someone.

Animals: Many parents warn children about patting dogs, “Be careful! That dog might bite”. This is a perfect example of good touch/bad touch. Use these teachable moments to explain that sometimes, good things can turn to bad things and that children need to watch for changes and know when to back away. If you are patting a cat and its tail starts flicking it is the cat’s early warning sign to us that it is unhappy. Your child is at risk of being bitten or scratched by the cat. People have signs in their behavior too. When people move to bad touch, back away from them and tell someone what has happened.

Can you share a game idea that you use to teach about good touch/bad touch? The more we share, the quicker all of our children stay safe.

Say No to Hang Man.

Helping children say “no” to predatory adults is important. When a sexual predator attempts to convince your child that the behavior is acceptable, your child needs to know that there are situations where they can say “no” to an adult.

Despite many toddlers starting their vocal repertoire with the word “no”, we soon let them know that it’s not nice to say “no” to grownups. Umm…it is not nice that some grownups sexually abuse our children. Our children need to practice saying “no” so that when they really need to say it, they already know they can do it.

Play the following practice game to help your child understand that it is okay to say “no” in some situations:

Don’t hang the person: This game is a variation of the world favorite “Hang Man”. Pick a longish statement that both fits your child’s situation, and incorporates them being able to say “no”. For example, “When someone wants you to be low, you can turn around and tell them “no”!” It is important to pick a long statement with lots of different letters because you do not want your child to end up hanged. Make this impossible to happen. For the example statement, you would draw the spaces up as:
- - - - / - - - - - - - / - - - - - / - - - / - - / - - / - - -, / - - - / - - - / - - - - / - - - - - - / - - - / - - - - / - - - - / “- -!”.

As your child says a letter from the alphabet, you write it in the appropriate space. If the child picks a letter that is not contained in the statement, one part of the hangman stand with dangling stick body is drawn.

This game can include statements to fit any of the BITSS pieces. I always follow the statement up by asking the child how they will say “no” to someone bigger than them or in a position of power. I do this to help cement the ability to say “no” and to increase the child’s confidence that there are some things that big people just cannot do, no matter how much authority they have.

For further free games, activities and ideas on how to help your child say "no", click here.

What are your thoughts on helping your child practice saying “no”?

Walkie Talkies: Support Networks.

In protective behaviour speak, Walkie Talkies are our feet. Each foot has five toes representing a person we can walk and talk to if something feels yucky inside us. The “yucky” might be a sick feeling because we ate too many lollies or it might be a “yucky” feeling about someone else or maybe even something “yucky” they did to us. Two walkie talkies makes for a solid platform of ten people we can walk and talk to if we have to.

Most people will be aware of the symbol of a hand as a visual reminder of a support network. Each finger represents a safe person that we can talk to about anything. Feet are a variation of the hand and offer some different activities for encouraging children to remember their support people.

In BITSS of Support Networks, I have set out two simple art activities that you can use to encourage your child to walk and talk to people who can help them.

Have fun with your walkie talkies and remember: Nothing is so awful we can't talk to someone about it.

Children’s story books + an activity = BIBLIOTHERAPY

Books can provide protective ideas and guidance to children. When the reading of a book combines with a follow up activity based in the books message, it becomes bibliotherapy.

Self-help books, with structured steps for life improvement, are a form of adult bibliotherapy. However, quality junior fiction is just as effective for children in offering a range of problem solving options. The advice contained within children's literature though, is only as good as the parental help in follow up activities toward integration of whatever the child’s need is.

Children learn through play. Reading is play and a preferred indoor play option for many families. The initial play and problem solving value of reading occurs as children engage with the book's characters. Connected with the story, the child enters an imaginary space of interactive problem solving. Aided by the struggles and achievements of the characters, children learn the social rules of behavior and develop different ways of being able to seek help or reflecting on life issues. If provided with real life opportunities to test literature-induced problem solving, the child is active in their own therapy and the book becomes a good tool for providing advice.

There are three purposes of using children's books as therapy:

1. Identification of character and social situation: This identification increases the probability of learning different behaviors and receiving advice.

2. Catharsis: Through identification, an emotional connection with the character or social situation allows children to act out and discuss their emotional responses to the situation.

3. Insight: Through beneficial discussion and follow-up play, the child integrates the link between the story and their own life, with opportunities to practice how to address and solve issues of concern.

With these purposes in mind, the following nine steps will turn any children's book into affordable therapy.

Step 1) Identify the practical advice (the message) you want your child to know.

Step 2) Match the message with an appropriate book. Seek out junior fiction/non-fiction that deals with the particular issue (drugs, death, alcoholism, fear, bullying, protective behaviour, etc). While searching for the advice appropriate book, remember that:

The book should match your child's reading ability level,

The text must be at an interest level appropriate to the maturity of the youngster,

The theme of the book should match the identified needs,

The characters should be believable so that the child can identify with with the dilemma,

The plot of the story should be realistic and involve creativity in problem solving.

Step 3) Decide on the setting and time for the story reading. Will you read it with/to your child, will you leave the book for your child to find, will you suggest the book to your child as a great read and hope they ask you to buy it for them?

Step 4) Knowing that you need to be active for bibliotherapy to be effective, motivate your child to become involved with an associated problem solving follow up activity by making play suggestions prior to story end (e.g. "On the weekend we could have a Yell free day and instead mime out our angry feelings.")

Step 5) Based on your child’s reaction to your motivating suggestions, design one or more end-of-book-connected activities. This may be as simple as being available for discussion after story end, engaging with your child in drawing a picture from the story, or helping your child journal their thoughts on the book. More exciting: actively encourage dramatic play or drama around the learning issue, or visit a place connected to the story.

Step 6) Pre engage in the follow up activities by asking questions or having short discussions throughout the reading. At the end of a chapter or every few pages, sum up so that "the message" does not get lost in the fantasy.

Step 7) Straight after story end, take a break and allow your child to do their own reflection on the material.

Step 8) Introduce the follow-up activities by briefly retelling the story, focusing on how the characters solved their issue, and let the child know what you could both do to honor the advice/message in the book.

Step 9) Assist your child to integrate the advice gained by honestly answering any questions they may have.

Children’s story books, followed by a well thought out activity makes for cheap therapy: BIBLIOTHERAPY

A Protective Play Tutorial for Grandparents.

Grandparent Sense, a Protective Play Tutorial, (funded by protective partner Cairns City Council) helps grandparents protect children in their care. Full of game and activity ideas, the tutorial booklets were free to Grandparents in the Cairns area. Filling a need, they went like hot cakes.


Protective Play is a term coined by Megan Bayliss (my mother) to describe everyday game ideas and activities to help keep kids safe. No requirement to buy expensive resources or spend scarce funds on protective behaviour trainings, the tutorials offer practical play advise and information about child sexual abuse.

An extract from Body Ownership in Grandparent Sense, a Protective Play Tutorial:

From the moment we are born, our bodies belong to us. They are our human signature. Babies may need to rely on adults to care for them but each baby’s body is still unique: unique skin, tone, imprints, hair, voice, size and shape.

A newborn baby has little realization of where their body begins and ends. As loving carers, we engage in touch, good touch, to teach our babies what is theirs and what is ours. We stroke them, massage them and put clothes on them to give a message of body ownership.

Children who are at risk of sexual abuse, or who have already been sexually assaulted often do not have a good idea of their body size or where their body boundaries begin and end. Too frequently, they fail to recognize their real size in relation to a potential perpetrator. Sometimes they think they are as big as the perpetrator and sometimes they see themselves as much smaller and helpless than everybody else in their family. This size confusion is a result of lowered self-esteem and something that perpetrators may focus on in their grooming process. For this reason, it is important to teach our grand children body ownership and to assist in ensuring they have a healthy self-esteem.

On the following page, there are some ideas you can play with to introduce and teach body ownership. It is not an exhaustive list, or in any order of importance, and you can redesign and change any of these to suit your grandchild’s personality and needs. Blend these suggestions into normal household activities and play. Make it natural and frequent: daily is best to help children remember that their body is their body.

Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast. Written by my Mum, Megan Bayliss.

…there was a world sweeter than Marmalade.




Mum wrote this media release for her book launch in June 2006. The day was a blast. Around 100 people attended, the media too. Mum made the news that night.

CHILDREN’S BOOK LAUNCH

Caramel Marmalade: Made in Cairns.

The sweet smell of Cairns has been deliciously captured in a children’s chapter book written by Cairns author, mother of four, Megan Bayliss. The jam packed story jars against preserving the tartness of sour thinking and invites readers to sample a rare and safe sweetness found in the unlikely duo of Caramel and Marmalade.

With real Cairns flavour, the book conserves our freedom loving personality with the dunny humour typical of children in the north. The author has lived here for 30 years and her evocative mango and lime story is set in her own home street in Edge Hill.

Although written as a tall tell-tale and endearingly stirring children’s read, the book sensitively addresses important protective behaviour strategies aimed at protecting children from the harms hidden in our heavenly tropical paradise. The story gives children in the 8-12 year old age group an opportunity to growl against those seemingly sweet monsters that hide within our utopia but who may really want to change ripeness for life into a rancid, rotting mass of fly blown waste.

The book, Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast, will be launched in Cairns on Tuesday the 27th of June. The launch will be a family focused, FREE, dog/cat themed party with story reading, games, competitions and prizes for the whole family. Excepting the author, all launch officiators will be VIP guests: children.

This is a launch for the children, by the children. All families are welcome as long as the adults are well behaved. Dog and cat dress is encouraged. A signed copy of Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast will be awarded to the best dressed family arriving as dogs or cats.

This is definitely a book to include in the discerning child’s or adult’s Christmas stocking. For an insatiable northern appetite, put away a signed copy from the launch. RRP $15.00.