Bit 1, Tart marmalade or sweet caramel?
"I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of," sang Bitssy to herself while her developing dingo senses sniffed out a sleepy gecko, hiding from the sunlight in the screen door runners.
Bitssy's big person watched with curiosity and humour, seemingly reading Bitssy's mind.
"Hey Bitssy, I think you've been watching too many television commercials, you little dreamer you. It’s time for some outside play for you girl dog. You need a bit of body exercise."
The big person slid the screen open, disturbing the gecko from its safety zone. Gecko and Bitssy both tried for first place in the short sprint to the bromeliads growing outside the back door. Gecko won and Bitssy happily moved on to sniffing out a big green frog to play with. Luckily for the sun sensitive hibernating frog, a magnificent Mountain Blue butterfly fluttered by. Bitssy's concentration refocused to chasing the impossible dream, a dream of a butterdog flying above the fences, roofs and trees in suburban Cairns, checking that all was well with the land and her many friends.
Bitssy loved everyone and was mostly always content. She especially loved playing in her big, open back yard. The colossal trees provided shade and springy little garden animals to amuse her. She was happy, safe, and secure in her back yard, shaded by harmony. She had friends to talk to through the fence, and a number of special sleeping places.
On blistering hot days Bitssy would crawl under the low set old Queenslander that her big person was renting. She would dig a ginormous hole to get right down into the cool, damp soil. Burrowed into the sludge, she imagined it was really a soft, chocolate brown velvet doona on the big soft bed in the air-conditioned bedroom.
Bitssy had such a curious way of thinking. During her resting times, Bitssy would think deeply about all sorts of different things. Perhaps that’s why she dug deep holes under the house: it helped her to think, deeply. There was only one thing that Bitssy was not keen to think about though, and that was the Caramel monster!
As much as Bitssy wanted to frolic and explore in her equally dappled and deliciously tropical looking front yard, she remained scared of what Caramel would do. Caramel was the opposite of a gorgeous, free, butterdog: she was a fat poison toad! Bitssy found it easier to stay hidden inside the front screen door and enjoy the smells and activities from the front garden and street. From afar, the fine-looking children walking past, talking happily to each other, would have Bitssy beside herself with glee and anticipation. She so wanted to run out there and greet the children...but where was Caramel? What would Caramel do? Caramel might hurt the children too!
Bitssy knew she had courage, but when she saw Caramel her nerve would retreat like a gecko from the sunlight. Despite this run-away bravery, it was Bitssy who first bravely organised the neighbourhood dogs into the Dog’s Body Army. Bitssy won a special award for it when she was living in Brisbane. She was only a puppy, straight from her wide-open homeland of isolated Far North Queensland. Everywhere her big person had moved to since, the beautiful private stripe took pride of place in her big person’s antique glass china cabinet. It was a trophy of victory. Her big person proudly showed it off to everyone who came to visit. The guests would scratch Bitssy behind her ears, tickle her spotty tummy, and tell her how fantastically special she was. Best of all, the visitors raved about her unusual name. They loved it.
Bitssy daydreamed of her mother. Her mother specially chose Bitssy’s name straight after the birth behind the bits shed on the outback cattle station on remote Cape York Peninsula. Bitssy looked different to her brothers and sisters in the litter. She was bits of them all put together, plus a few other bits that her mother would rather she didn’t have. Bitssy's mother loved her intensely because she looked so very special. She lovingly licked Bitssy’s face and said,
"You are the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen. You are all bits of this and bits of that. Let's call you Bitssy, to celebrate your specialness. You will go a long way in life my little pup. Far away from here."
The dingoes, hiding in the bush, howled in celebration of Bitssy’s birth. To honour her naming ceremony, they dropped bits of dead animal outside the shed door. Nuzzling Bitssy closer to her, the tired cattle dog mother vowed that she would protect her young against the brutal killing forces that prowled the Australian bush. Those same forces had killed her mate and robbed her new litter of their father.
“You will not have my baby,” she promised. “My baby is going to the city. She is special!”
When Bitssy went to the city to live with her big person, the human could not work out what to call the little bitsa. Her big person decided,
"You're a bit of dingo and a big of cattle dog, a gorgeous strong creature with handsome bits of tapestry woven into a yellow red coat. I know, I'll call you Bitssy!”
So Bitssy stayed as Bitssy, known and loved by all her family and friends, both animals and big people. But she did feel a little alone sometimes, out of place, and as scared as a lost kitten. She was scared that Caramel would attack and kill her if Bitssy went out into her own front yard.
"Ohhhh," thought Bitssy, "maybe I've got a bit of cat in me too - scaredy cat."
Bit 2. Caramel-Brown Toilet Sausages and Poisoned Worm Jelly
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
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