Bit 2, Caramel-brown toilet sausages and poisoned worm jelly.
Caramel was the large, dirty yellow, pretty looking dog from across the road. She was allowed to roam around Jensen Street because her owners didn’t care much. Caramel liked to rest in the shaded dirt areas under gigantic trees. The dogcatcher had never caught her because the caramel dog was streetwise and never wandered far from home. From her vantage point in Bitssy's front yard she could see the dogcatcher driving up the road. When Caramel saw the smoke blowing van, she meandered, elegantly and controlled, back across the road and onto her own filthy front verandah. No love grew there, just a blowfly nursery for maggots that would keep Caramel company.
The dogcatcher was not allowed by law to enter Caramel’s yard to imprison her. His dream was to sneak up on her in the street, catch her, and reef her into the dog paddy wagon to be carted away. The poor old dogcatcher was very tired of receiving Jensen St calls about Caramel raiding rubbish bins and leaving foul, worm ridden, brown toilet sausages on residents’ front steps. There was nothing he could do unless somebody told him that Caramel was beginning to threaten and savage someone.
When Bitssy's big person came home from work, Bitssy was allowed to play and sleep in the house. Bitssy loved to run to the front screen door to watch and smell the world out front. Far too often, Caramel was asleep on Bitssy's front porch. If Bitssy woke Caramel, the yellow ogre became bad-tempered and roared at Bitssy, telling her she was nothing but a skinny, ugly, stupid, useless, pampered little pussy that would be crushed and ground and sold as Catnip tea.
“But I’m a dog. A proud, sturdy, independent dingo,” sobbed Bitssy to herself, her head hanging, not game to say anything in front of the very pretty monster.
Poor sad confused little Bitssy. Caramel’s wounding words turned her knees to jelly and slashed her insides like a blunt, poison soaked knife being hacked into her guts. Her heart felt tight, heavily chained up with rusty, barbed wire. Her voice, usually happy and confident, was silenced. She felt like the bulls in Spanish bullfights that had their vocal cords cut so that nobody could hear their bellows of pain when the Matadors stabbed blades into their shoulders. The monstrous hurts and putdowns pained so much that Bitssy was just not strong enough to tell Caramel to stop her bullying. Caramel, sensing that Bitssy was worn down and dying inside, delighted in terrorising Bitssy even more, hounding her and saying that if she ever stepped a foot in the front yard, she would be eaten, alive, at least until she died a painful death. As an added threat, if Bitssy chose to not die quickly and quietly, Caramel promised that she would turn on the big person, rip her to pieces and share her soft, white meat, with the rats! Then, like a gentle little flower, Caramel would bat her eyelids, yawn widely, close her eyes and lick her lips. Bitssy got the message, even though the difference between serial killer and pretty little flower didn’t make any sense. How could such a sweet little thing, as Caramel often pretended to be, also be a mass murderer? Surely killers had a certain bad, black look? Not fully understanding but still knowing that Caramel was very bad, Bitssy preferred to play it safe and stay away, off the front verandah.
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
Caramel was the large, dirty yellow, pretty looking dog from across the road. She was allowed to roam around Jensen Street because her owners didn’t care much. Caramel liked to rest in the shaded dirt areas under gigantic trees. The dogcatcher had never caught her because the caramel dog was streetwise and never wandered far from home. From her vantage point in Bitssy's front yard she could see the dogcatcher driving up the road. When Caramel saw the smoke blowing van, she meandered, elegantly and controlled, back across the road and onto her own filthy front verandah. No love grew there, just a blowfly nursery for maggots that would keep Caramel company.
The dogcatcher was not allowed by law to enter Caramel’s yard to imprison her. His dream was to sneak up on her in the street, catch her, and reef her into the dog paddy wagon to be carted away. The poor old dogcatcher was very tired of receiving Jensen St calls about Caramel raiding rubbish bins and leaving foul, worm ridden, brown toilet sausages on residents’ front steps. There was nothing he could do unless somebody told him that Caramel was beginning to threaten and savage someone.
When Bitssy's big person came home from work, Bitssy was allowed to play and sleep in the house. Bitssy loved to run to the front screen door to watch and smell the world out front. Far too often, Caramel was asleep on Bitssy's front porch. If Bitssy woke Caramel, the yellow ogre became bad-tempered and roared at Bitssy, telling her she was nothing but a skinny, ugly, stupid, useless, pampered little pussy that would be crushed and ground and sold as Catnip tea.
“But I’m a dog. A proud, sturdy, independent dingo,” sobbed Bitssy to herself, her head hanging, not game to say anything in front of the very pretty monster.
Poor sad confused little Bitssy. Caramel’s wounding words turned her knees to jelly and slashed her insides like a blunt, poison soaked knife being hacked into her guts. Her heart felt tight, heavily chained up with rusty, barbed wire. Her voice, usually happy and confident, was silenced. She felt like the bulls in Spanish bullfights that had their vocal cords cut so that nobody could hear their bellows of pain when the Matadors stabbed blades into their shoulders. The monstrous hurts and putdowns pained so much that Bitssy was just not strong enough to tell Caramel to stop her bullying. Caramel, sensing that Bitssy was worn down and dying inside, delighted in terrorising Bitssy even more, hounding her and saying that if she ever stepped a foot in the front yard, she would be eaten, alive, at least until she died a painful death. As an added threat, if Bitssy chose to not die quickly and quietly, Caramel promised that she would turn on the big person, rip her to pieces and share her soft, white meat, with the rats! Then, like a gentle little flower, Caramel would bat her eyelids, yawn widely, close her eyes and lick her lips. Bitssy got the message, even though the difference between serial killer and pretty little flower didn’t make any sense. How could such a sweet little thing, as Caramel often pretended to be, also be a mass murderer? Surely killers had a certain bad, black look? Not fully understanding but still knowing that Caramel was very bad, Bitssy preferred to play it safe and stay away, off the front verandah.
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
1 comment:
Hey, just stopping by to show some love for your blog.
I'll be stopping by again to loook for updates.
Don't know if you are interested but I just finished a site on Pain Killer Addiction.
It's something I really enjoy helping people with, hope you stop by my site also!
Greg
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