Following much discussion, Jade and I have decided to not post to this blog site any longer. My main blog, Child Protection: Serious Business appears to be the site of greatest traffic. Therefore, I will post about toys, books and games that can help protect kids to that site.
This blog will not be removed though because it already contains invaluable protective information and links to other helpful articles and sites.
We do hope that you will come and join us on Child Protection: Serious Business, or consider becoming a volunteer writer for our new protective behaviour concept - the largest child safety conversation in the world.
All the best. Stay safe and keep protecting your kids.
Megan Bayliss and Jade Pinto
Monday, February 5, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast: Complete
The entire book, Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast has now been posted, chapter by chapter. I do hope that you enjoyed it and I would love to hear some feedback. Just so that the contents are all on a single page, indexed links appear below the front cover picture.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
Bit 1. Tart Marmalade or Sweet Caramel
Bit 2. Caramel-Brown Toilet Sausages and Poisoned Worm Jelly
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
Bit 2. Caramel-Brown Toilet Sausages and Poisoned Worm Jelly
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
Monday, January 29, 2007
A Dream Introduction
A Dream Introduction
(By Jane Teresa Anderson, Dream analyst)
You are about to enter the world of Bitssy, a half-dingo pet dog, living a dream life of tropical delight in her Cairns backyard. She revels in long sunshiny days, playing with her animal friends amidst the colours, fragrances, textures and tastes of her tree-filled, fruit-laden, flower-blossoming heaven.
But all is not as it seems and this story is not all sweetness and light, for there’s a nightmare of a shadow in Bitssy’s life and it’s close to home, right in her front yard, making her too scared to sit on her own front verandah. Caramel, the dog from across the road who likes to sit in Bitssy’s front yard, may have a sweet name and a crafty way of appearing to be good to everyone else, but Caramel is really a manipulating bully.
Will Bitssy spend her life confined to her backyard or will she find the magic formula to rid her life of Caramel’s influence and turn her living nightmare into a living happy dream?
Every problem has a solution, but it can be very hard to see that solution when you are afraid. Fortunately for Bitssy, she meets Marmalade, a very cheeky, funny and courageous tomcat who has learned many wise lessons during eight of his nine lives.
Marmalade’s lessons are not all sweet either. Like all wise beings, he knows you need to face the bowels of life in order to deal with it and find solutions, so watch out for plenty of toilet humour delivered with meaning and love!
Animal stories such as this one are powerful. Do you ever have night dreams of animals? Do you wonder what they mean and how you can learn from them? Bitssy dreams of a wolverine who helps her find a special, deep, long-lost power. What is it? Do you have it deep within you, I wonder? Can you use it?
Here’s an insight: this book is written for middle readers aged 8-12, but no matter what age you are, child, young adult or grandparent, this story has a message for you. Like all good fairy stories, this one has the good, the bad and the ugly as well as the wise solution. Also, like all good fairy stories, this one will seem different each time you read it. Depending on your life experiences, you’ll identify with different parts of this story, and, as you grow older you’ll begin to see lots of clever word-play, puns, metaphors and allegories that will deliver you deeper and deeper wisdom about why abuse happens and what you can do to stop it.
This book was written to help educate people about sexual abuse, but it delivers an equally strong message about emotional abuse. Emotional abuse happens when someone hurts you, not in a physical way, but with words and actions that cut so deeply into your heart that they affect the way you express yourself in the world.
You’ll come out of this book with some powerful solutions for dealing with the shadows in your front yard, whatever those shadows might be.
So, what’s next?
It’s now time for you to forget everything you’ve just read. Yawn, stretch, find a comfy, quiet space and begin at the beginning, for that is how this story was designed and that’s where Bitssy is waiting for you to join her right now.
Jane Teresa Anderson (BSc Hons)
Dream analyst, author, broadcaster and scientist
But all is not as it seems and this story is not all sweetness and light, for there’s a nightmare of a shadow in Bitssy’s life and it’s close to home, right in her front yard, making her too scared to sit on her own front verandah. Caramel, the dog from across the road who likes to sit in Bitssy’s front yard, may have a sweet name and a crafty way of appearing to be good to everyone else, but Caramel is really a manipulating bully.
Will Bitssy spend her life confined to her backyard or will she find the magic formula to rid her life of Caramel’s influence and turn her living nightmare into a living happy dream?
Every problem has a solution, but it can be very hard to see that solution when you are afraid. Fortunately for Bitssy, she meets Marmalade, a very cheeky, funny and courageous tomcat who has learned many wise lessons during eight of his nine lives.
Marmalade’s lessons are not all sweet either. Like all wise beings, he knows you need to face the bowels of life in order to deal with it and find solutions, so watch out for plenty of toilet humour delivered with meaning and love!
Animal stories such as this one are powerful. Do you ever have night dreams of animals? Do you wonder what they mean and how you can learn from them? Bitssy dreams of a wolverine who helps her find a special, deep, long-lost power. What is it? Do you have it deep within you, I wonder? Can you use it?
Here’s an insight: this book is written for middle readers aged 8-12, but no matter what age you are, child, young adult or grandparent, this story has a message for you. Like all good fairy stories, this one has the good, the bad and the ugly as well as the wise solution. Also, like all good fairy stories, this one will seem different each time you read it. Depending on your life experiences, you’ll identify with different parts of this story, and, as you grow older you’ll begin to see lots of clever word-play, puns, metaphors and allegories that will deliver you deeper and deeper wisdom about why abuse happens and what you can do to stop it.
This book was written to help educate people about sexual abuse, but it delivers an equally strong message about emotional abuse. Emotional abuse happens when someone hurts you, not in a physical way, but with words and actions that cut so deeply into your heart that they affect the way you express yourself in the world.
You’ll come out of this book with some powerful solutions for dealing with the shadows in your front yard, whatever those shadows might be.
So, what’s next?
It’s now time for you to forget everything you’ve just read. Yawn, stretch, find a comfy, quiet space and begin at the beginning, for that is how this story was designed and that’s where Bitssy is waiting for you to join her right now.
Jane Teresa Anderson (BSc Hons)
Dream analyst, author, broadcaster and scientist
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Bit 1. Tart Marmalade or Sweet Caramel
Bit 1, Tart marmalade or sweet caramel?
"I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of," sang Bitssy to herself while her developing dingo senses sniffed out a sleepy gecko, hiding from the sunlight in the screen door runners.
Bitssy's big person watched with curiosity and humour, seemingly reading Bitssy's mind.
"Hey Bitssy, I think you've been watching too many television commercials, you little dreamer you. It’s time for some outside play for you girl dog. You need a bit of body exercise."
The big person slid the screen open, disturbing the gecko from its safety zone. Gecko and Bitssy both tried for first place in the short sprint to the bromeliads growing outside the back door. Gecko won and Bitssy happily moved on to sniffing out a big green frog to play with. Luckily for the sun sensitive hibernating frog, a magnificent Mountain Blue butterfly fluttered by. Bitssy's concentration refocused to chasing the impossible dream, a dream of a butterdog flying above the fences, roofs and trees in suburban Cairns, checking that all was well with the land and her many friends.
Bitssy loved everyone and was mostly always content. She especially loved playing in her big, open back yard. The colossal trees provided shade and springy little garden animals to amuse her. She was happy, safe, and secure in her back yard, shaded by harmony. She had friends to talk to through the fence, and a number of special sleeping places.
On blistering hot days Bitssy would crawl under the low set old Queenslander that her big person was renting. She would dig a ginormous hole to get right down into the cool, damp soil. Burrowed into the sludge, she imagined it was really a soft, chocolate brown velvet doona on the big soft bed in the air-conditioned bedroom.
Bitssy had such a curious way of thinking. During her resting times, Bitssy would think deeply about all sorts of different things. Perhaps that’s why she dug deep holes under the house: it helped her to think, deeply. There was only one thing that Bitssy was not keen to think about though, and that was the Caramel monster!
As much as Bitssy wanted to frolic and explore in her equally dappled and deliciously tropical looking front yard, she remained scared of what Caramel would do. Caramel was the opposite of a gorgeous, free, butterdog: she was a fat poison toad! Bitssy found it easier to stay hidden inside the front screen door and enjoy the smells and activities from the front garden and street. From afar, the fine-looking children walking past, talking happily to each other, would have Bitssy beside herself with glee and anticipation. She so wanted to run out there and greet the children...but where was Caramel? What would Caramel do? Caramel might hurt the children too!
Bitssy knew she had courage, but when she saw Caramel her nerve would retreat like a gecko from the sunlight. Despite this run-away bravery, it was Bitssy who first bravely organised the neighbourhood dogs into the Dog’s Body Army. Bitssy won a special award for it when she was living in Brisbane. She was only a puppy, straight from her wide-open homeland of isolated Far North Queensland. Everywhere her big person had moved to since, the beautiful private stripe took pride of place in her big person’s antique glass china cabinet. It was a trophy of victory. Her big person proudly showed it off to everyone who came to visit. The guests would scratch Bitssy behind her ears, tickle her spotty tummy, and tell her how fantastically special she was. Best of all, the visitors raved about her unusual name. They loved it.
Bitssy daydreamed of her mother. Her mother specially chose Bitssy’s name straight after the birth behind the bits shed on the outback cattle station on remote Cape York Peninsula. Bitssy looked different to her brothers and sisters in the litter. She was bits of them all put together, plus a few other bits that her mother would rather she didn’t have. Bitssy's mother loved her intensely because she looked so very special. She lovingly licked Bitssy’s face and said,
"You are the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen. You are all bits of this and bits of that. Let's call you Bitssy, to celebrate your specialness. You will go a long way in life my little pup. Far away from here."
The dingoes, hiding in the bush, howled in celebration of Bitssy’s birth. To honour her naming ceremony, they dropped bits of dead animal outside the shed door. Nuzzling Bitssy closer to her, the tired cattle dog mother vowed that she would protect her young against the brutal killing forces that prowled the Australian bush. Those same forces had killed her mate and robbed her new litter of their father.
“You will not have my baby,” she promised. “My baby is going to the city. She is special!”
When Bitssy went to the city to live with her big person, the human could not work out what to call the little bitsa. Her big person decided,
"You're a bit of dingo and a big of cattle dog, a gorgeous strong creature with handsome bits of tapestry woven into a yellow red coat. I know, I'll call you Bitssy!”
So Bitssy stayed as Bitssy, known and loved by all her family and friends, both animals and big people. But she did feel a little alone sometimes, out of place, and as scared as a lost kitten. She was scared that Caramel would attack and kill her if Bitssy went out into her own front yard.
"Ohhhh," thought Bitssy, "maybe I've got a bit of cat in me too - scaredy cat."
Bit 2. Caramel-Brown Toilet Sausages and Poisoned Worm Jelly
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
Friday, January 26, 2007
Bit 2. Caramel-Brown Toilet Sausages and Poisoned Worm Jelly
Bit 2, Caramel-brown toilet sausages and poisoned worm jelly.
Caramel was the large, dirty yellow, pretty looking dog from across the road. She was allowed to roam around Jensen Street because her owners didn’t care much. Caramel liked to rest in the shaded dirt areas under gigantic trees. The dogcatcher had never caught her because the caramel dog was streetwise and never wandered far from home. From her vantage point in Bitssy's front yard she could see the dogcatcher driving up the road. When Caramel saw the smoke blowing van, she meandered, elegantly and controlled, back across the road and onto her own filthy front verandah. No love grew there, just a blowfly nursery for maggots that would keep Caramel company.
The dogcatcher was not allowed by law to enter Caramel’s yard to imprison her. His dream was to sneak up on her in the street, catch her, and reef her into the dog paddy wagon to be carted away. The poor old dogcatcher was very tired of receiving Jensen St calls about Caramel raiding rubbish bins and leaving foul, worm ridden, brown toilet sausages on residents’ front steps. There was nothing he could do unless somebody told him that Caramel was beginning to threaten and savage someone.
When Bitssy's big person came home from work, Bitssy was allowed to play and sleep in the house. Bitssy loved to run to the front screen door to watch and smell the world out front. Far too often, Caramel was asleep on Bitssy's front porch. If Bitssy woke Caramel, the yellow ogre became bad-tempered and roared at Bitssy, telling her she was nothing but a skinny, ugly, stupid, useless, pampered little pussy that would be crushed and ground and sold as Catnip tea.
“But I’m a dog. A proud, sturdy, independent dingo,” sobbed Bitssy to herself, her head hanging, not game to say anything in front of the very pretty monster.
Poor sad confused little Bitssy. Caramel’s wounding words turned her knees to jelly and slashed her insides like a blunt, poison soaked knife being hacked into her guts. Her heart felt tight, heavily chained up with rusty, barbed wire. Her voice, usually happy and confident, was silenced. She felt like the bulls in Spanish bullfights that had their vocal cords cut so that nobody could hear their bellows of pain when the Matadors stabbed blades into their shoulders. The monstrous hurts and putdowns pained so much that Bitssy was just not strong enough to tell Caramel to stop her bullying. Caramel, sensing that Bitssy was worn down and dying inside, delighted in terrorising Bitssy even more, hounding her and saying that if she ever stepped a foot in the front yard, she would be eaten, alive, at least until she died a painful death. As an added threat, if Bitssy chose to not die quickly and quietly, Caramel promised that she would turn on the big person, rip her to pieces and share her soft, white meat, with the rats! Then, like a gentle little flower, Caramel would bat her eyelids, yawn widely, close her eyes and lick her lips. Bitssy got the message, even though the difference between serial killer and pretty little flower didn’t make any sense. How could such a sweet little thing, as Caramel often pretended to be, also be a mass murderer? Surely killers had a certain bad, black look? Not fully understanding but still knowing that Caramel was very bad, Bitssy preferred to play it safe and stay away, off the front verandah.
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
Caramel was the large, dirty yellow, pretty looking dog from across the road. She was allowed to roam around Jensen Street because her owners didn’t care much. Caramel liked to rest in the shaded dirt areas under gigantic trees. The dogcatcher had never caught her because the caramel dog was streetwise and never wandered far from home. From her vantage point in Bitssy's front yard she could see the dogcatcher driving up the road. When Caramel saw the smoke blowing van, she meandered, elegantly and controlled, back across the road and onto her own filthy front verandah. No love grew there, just a blowfly nursery for maggots that would keep Caramel company.
The dogcatcher was not allowed by law to enter Caramel’s yard to imprison her. His dream was to sneak up on her in the street, catch her, and reef her into the dog paddy wagon to be carted away. The poor old dogcatcher was very tired of receiving Jensen St calls about Caramel raiding rubbish bins and leaving foul, worm ridden, brown toilet sausages on residents’ front steps. There was nothing he could do unless somebody told him that Caramel was beginning to threaten and savage someone.
When Bitssy's big person came home from work, Bitssy was allowed to play and sleep in the house. Bitssy loved to run to the front screen door to watch and smell the world out front. Far too often, Caramel was asleep on Bitssy's front porch. If Bitssy woke Caramel, the yellow ogre became bad-tempered and roared at Bitssy, telling her she was nothing but a skinny, ugly, stupid, useless, pampered little pussy that would be crushed and ground and sold as Catnip tea.
“But I’m a dog. A proud, sturdy, independent dingo,” sobbed Bitssy to herself, her head hanging, not game to say anything in front of the very pretty monster.
Poor sad confused little Bitssy. Caramel’s wounding words turned her knees to jelly and slashed her insides like a blunt, poison soaked knife being hacked into her guts. Her heart felt tight, heavily chained up with rusty, barbed wire. Her voice, usually happy and confident, was silenced. She felt like the bulls in Spanish bullfights that had their vocal cords cut so that nobody could hear their bellows of pain when the Matadors stabbed blades into their shoulders. The monstrous hurts and putdowns pained so much that Bitssy was just not strong enough to tell Caramel to stop her bullying. Caramel, sensing that Bitssy was worn down and dying inside, delighted in terrorising Bitssy even more, hounding her and saying that if she ever stepped a foot in the front yard, she would be eaten, alive, at least until she died a painful death. As an added threat, if Bitssy chose to not die quickly and quietly, Caramel promised that she would turn on the big person, rip her to pieces and share her soft, white meat, with the rats! Then, like a gentle little flower, Caramel would bat her eyelids, yawn widely, close her eyes and lick her lips. Bitssy got the message, even though the difference between serial killer and pretty little flower didn’t make any sense. How could such a sweet little thing, as Caramel often pretended to be, also be a mass murderer? Surely killers had a certain bad, black look? Not fully understanding but still knowing that Caramel was very bad, Bitssy preferred to play it safe and stay away, off the front verandah.
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Bit 3. Leaping Tasmanian Devil in Sour Lime Sauce
Bit 3, Leaping Tasmanian devil in sour lime sauce.
On this particular storm brewing, gecko chasing, frog hiding, flutterbyings buttering Bitssy up, backyard Sunday afternoon, Bitssy caught a glimpse of a marmalade cat. The orange feline was creeping secretly like a Tasmanian devil through the chunky flame coloured Heliconias growing along the side fence.
Bitssy was rather excited, her tail circling faster than the inside ceiling fan on high. Her tongue was dripping with the expectancy of making a new friend. Cheerfully, she watched the disguised Tasmanian devil for a minute until the breeze encouraged the long leaves to flitter, dance, and block the view of the Marmalade beauty. Bitssy blissfully pounded over to the marmalade spot. No Marmalade cat!
"Oh dear," grumbled Bitssy, her bottom lip almost scooping up the leaf litter, "I must have been butterfly dreaming."
Suddenly, with a meowing laugh, the huge, portly, sleepy eyed Marmalade cat appeared from behind a swaying jungle leaf.
"Hello dog," flicked Marmalade cheekily. "I don't like it when somebody is watching me go to the toilet so I hid from your prying little doggy eyes. Toileting is my business if you don't mind. No checking out my private regions thank you."
Bitssy blushed and coyly rubbed her ears with her paw.
"Sorry, excuse me, very sorry Marmalade. I didn't know you were toileting."
Marmalade obviously wasn't too embarrassed as he turned his back to Bitssy, stretched out his front legs, chest greeting the mulch, and reached his loin and tail high up toward the gathering
thunderclouds.
Marmalade's bare crinkled cat's bottom was right in Bitssy's face. Bitssy was suitably embarrassed and plopped to the ground with both paws covering her eyes. Impish, vulgar, Marmalade! Showing private parts to others is just not on. Marmalade had already chided Bitssy about privacy for goodness sake! When Bitssy was game enough to sneak a look, Marmalade was gone. Again!
"How does he do that?" thought Bitssy, sniffing up the tantalising scent of citrus marmalade with her wiggling, wet, fine, superior dingo smelling tool.
"He's over there somewhere. Oh no, he's gone over the side fence, through the lime tree, into the front yard!”
Bitssy stood, one bent front leg suspended in mid air, ears pricked and forward, hairs on her spine standing up like she’d just stuck her toenail in a power point.
"Where's Caramel?" she nervously whispered to herself, or to any other garden friend who chose to hang around for the showdown and gangland killing.
Breaking the heavily depressing calm, Bitssy heard a few loud fast barks, a guttural growling, a spat, a noise like children make when they put stones in a soft drink bottle and roll it around, another bark, growl, tearing flesh, a scream like a dying cat, and then.... silence.
Standing in hope, eyes glued to the spot where Marmalade had made her exit to certain death, Bitssy began to feel very sad. Not even a visitor could enter the front yard.
“Poor Marmalade,” Bitssy thought wretchedly.
“Poor, poor Marmalade. He looked like a nice cat. If only I’d had the chance to warn him how scary and mean Caramel is. It’s my fault. I should have done something. I should have stopped him.”
Bitssy sat, head hanging, and bottom lip definitely now collecting leaf litter like it was a magnet. She slumped, contemplating the death taste of the musty leaf matter when suddenly, an obese
orange tail flicked her in the nose.
"Marmalade! You're alive! How did you do that?" purred Bitssy after rubbing her head all over Marmalade’s lime stained, and very bad tasting body.
"Ohhhhhh, a catdog that purrs instead of bites," teased Marmalade, wrapping his beautiful strong tail around his fat haunches as he sat eyeball to eyeball with Bitssy. "How do you do that?"
Bitssy, excited and over the moon (which wasn't even out yet), ran around Marmalade in circles that got tighter and tighter. Then, just to really display her excitement, Bitssy did a couple of groovy mid air reverse flips that are usually only seen in the feline species when falling from great heights. Misjudging the distance, Bitssy ended up landing on top of Marmalade, who didn’t squirm, spit, and run off like the average cat would have done. Marmalade instead opened his mouth wide, poked out his sandpaper squid grey tongue, squinted his eyes as much as any fat cat could, and looked like he was praying to the cat Guru above.
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Bit 4. Catmando and Reef Knots.
Bit 4, Catmando and reef knots.
"Oh do stop flipping like a dying clown fish from the Great Barrier Reef will you! Come here, listen up, and I'll tell you how you’re dogging life, not behaving at all bravely, like the dingo that you look like.”
Marmalade licked his paw and ran it expertly along his eyelashes to make them glisten with knowledge.
“Catastrophe 1: Talk up will you, your bark is much worse than your bite, it just doesn’t exist!
Catastrophe 2: Learn to recognise a reef knot. It’s a strong boundary knot that will help to pull you, and me, out of trouble.
Catastrophe 3: Being scared doesn’t stop you from doing things, you just have to do them differently. And,
Catastrophe 4: Dream aplenty so that Catman-do and din-go anywhere they want.”
Bitssy had no idea what Marmalade was talking about. It sounded so, clever. No, so silly. No no, it sounded, plain weird. It was like a riddle that Bitssy had to work out to pass a test. She figured that Marmalade must have been very wise and that she’d remember the lessons if she ever needed them.
Bitssy and Marmalade became the best of friends, inseparable and loyal (except when it came to seafood for dinner because they both loved it). Despite their differences over prawns and fishy bitties, Bitssy had the greatest respect for Marmalade and yearned for his long and unscheduled visits. That Marmalade had a life! He would go wherever, and whenever, he wanted.
“Cat-man-do and din-go,” Bitssy played it over and over in her mind like a favourite CD track on repeat.
“I wonder if that means cat man do and dingo go wherever they want?”
Oh how Bitssy wanted to do that, to check that the world out front was safe. If only it wasn't for Caramel……….
Bit 5. Bitssy Gets it Good!
Bit 6. Clown Fish Won't Survive in Limejuice.
Bit 7. The Mellow Yellow Prophecy.
Bit 8. Poison Snake Catches a Rat on the Front Verandah
Bit 9. Snot Nice
Bit 10. Hot Toast with Vegemite.
Bit 11. Off Caramel Smells Like Rotting Lime.
Bit 12. A Dog's Body
Bit 13. The Goodbye Van.
Bit 14. Caramel on Toast.
Bit 15. The Final Dreaming.
Eulogy.
To purchase Bitss of Caramel Marmalade on Toast please visit this eBay store: Duncan's Emporium Gifts and Curios. They are selling the book at only A$12.00 plus postage. RRP is $15.00 (+ p and h)
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